9 years...

it's been exactly 9 years since he's gone from my world.. don't know why i still kept counting the days.. and i can't help myself from missing him.. please god, why i still kept thinking of him when i already have someone else in my life right now??!!! why i kept thinking of someone who already gone from this world??? why the memories still haunt me to this day??? i wish his mom won't call me today as she did every year... i don't want to deal with this memories and longing anymore.. i really don't want to!!!!!

hmmm...

it's been a very long time since i last 'scribbling' something here.. i know most of it's not something worth reading... but just trying to unload something off my mind.. it's been quite a hectic life for d past 2 years.. it's been a roller coaster ride, allright... i can't say my life had been perfect but i'm never tired of hoping n wishing that life would be much, much better than whatever i have right now.. what with 'the countdown' already began, my wish n hopes just double thousand times more.. it's a big step toward sharing a life with someone that sometimes test my patience to the limits.. but whom i still wish 2 share my life with.. after all, nobody is perfect.. n both of us just a normal human being where perfection is impossible but that doesn't mean it's not worth trying to achieve to be perfect...

living or surviving????

is there a difference between living and surviving our life? personally, for the past few years, i think i'm just surviving and not really living my life... apart from my family, this life seems so meaningless.. day by day, i just do what i have to do in order just to survive that day... just to past my time, doing something eventhough my heart really not into it... i don't know what to look for or hope for my future.... my job? it's just ok... but my social life? it seems to going downhill for the last seven years... why i can't be happy like those days? i try to forget what had happened but most of the time, i just simply can't... i try to go on my life as if i never met him but it just made me felt even worse than before, as if i had betrayed him... stupid of me!!! and even worse, i just want to meet somebody like him again... and it make me tend to close my eyes and my heart to other person... i could never give other people a chance or better yet, i never give myself a chance to just be happy again... i try and may be one day, i will be truly happy again... i wish i could take a peek into the future and see what kind of life i will be having... is it a good one? hopefully so...

once in a lifetime experiences...

finally, i'm done with my outdoor module... except for penempatan kampung of course;) what should i say after all that struggles, excitement, fun and tiredness? one thing for sure, i began to learn about the others and about myself too... for myself, there's a lot of thing i need to improve... have to accept the fact that i'm lacking in some areas that would be useful once i started to go back to my office later... honestly, i was having so much fun during this outdoor module that sometimes i forgot to try my best doing certain activities...

never thought of wearing this uniform...

not as easy as it seems...

scuba diving... and still afraid of deep water...

offensive indoor fire fighting... the heat inside this container ; 400 - 1000 celcius...

mess night...

ujian kawad polis...

the sign of the end of the world...

i read this news a few days ago... and i was totally suprised by it because it's totally contradict the nature's rule... a calf eating chickens / meat?!!! what the hell is that? maybe it's the sign that the D-day is not really that far away then... and maybe sometimes soon, we'll hear about a flying pig or something that similar...

KOLKATA, India (Reuters) - When dozens of chickens went missing from a remote West Bengal village, everyone blamed the neighborhood dogs.

But Ajit Ghosh, the owner of the missing chickens, eventually solved the puzzle when he caught his cow -- a sacred animal for the Hindu family -- gobbling up several of them at night. "We were shocked to see our calf eating chickens alive," Ghosh told Reuters by phone from Chandpur village.

The family decided to stand guard at night on Monday at the cow shed which also served as a hen coop, after 48 chickens went missing in a month.

"Instead of the dogs, we watched in horror as the calf, whom we had fondly named Lal, sneak to the coop and grab the little ones with the precision of a jungle cat," Gour Ghosh, his brother, said.

Local television pictures showed the cow grabbing and eating a chicken in seconds and a vet confirmed the case. "We think lack of vital minerals in the body is causing this behavior. We have taken a look and have asked doctors to look into the case immediately," Mihir Satpathy, a district veterinary officer, said by phone. "This strange behavior is possible in some exceptional cases," Satpathy said.

Hundreds of villagers flocked to Chandpur on Wednesday to catch a glimpse of Lal, enjoying his bundle of green grass for a change.

"The local vets said the cow was probably suffering from a disease but others said Lal was a tiger in his previous birth," Ajit added.

february 2007...

it’s already the end of February and things began to go quite hectic around here… most of the sidang had already started their outdoor module… only sidang B and C are still going nowhere… sekarang ni, sidang A dan B in the middle of the modul komunikasi dan persembahan berkesan… this modul not really that hard yet… why I said ‘yet’? Because all of us kena berlakon teater at the end of this modul… pertandingan teater antara sidang A dan B…. adoi…aku bab berlakon ni mmg kayu tahap gaban…

then, a few days after that announcement, I got some good news regarding that theater thing;) hehehe.. turn out, I don’t have to act or dance… just jadi ajk penerbitan along with syikin and fadhli… to top it all, kitorg kena buat book review… in english, 7-10 pages long!!! Ingatkan dah takde dah assignment mcm tu since baru last week siapkan take home test for modul law and foreign affairs… tak tido mlm aku menyiapkan paper tu… seksa mata and otak aku nak menggoreng ayat for 10 muka surat!!!! And the next day lak, ada futsal match between ‘rumah2 sukan’ of dpa 1/2007… org lain main futsal tp aku dok tersengguk2 tahan ngantuk kat tepi padang… anyway,team futsal wanita rumah sukan aku (Chelsea), dapat jadi johan while the guys are not that good;) hehehe…

the first month of dpa 1/2007...

it's been a month since aku daftar for kursus diploma pentadbiran awam, or most infamously known as dpa, di intan bukit kiara... hari pertama dah ada dugaan buat aku bila my luggage suddenly gone MIA.. and to make the matter worse, i suppose to go to the camping site kat bukit cerakah shah alam at 2pm that day... nak gi camner kalo satu helai tshirt pun takde? cari punya cari, jumpa gak bag aku... rupa2nya driver bas simpan bag aku!!! dia ingatkan aku tertinggal bag aku kat depan dewan serbaguna tu... dia tak tau yang aku terpaksa angkut barang 2 kali coz barang yg banyak dan jarak lak jauh... ish..ngape la udpa tak bagi kitorang bawa naik keta jap kat kiara point tu that day? menyusahkan je nak memunggah barang naik bas... anyway, bila dah abis packing barang, all the other peserta dah lama pergi ke sana... walaupun terlewat dan terpaksa naik teksi, sampai gak aku kat bukit cerakah that day, by myself... camping 3 hari 2 malam... best gak le... esp bila bab terjun sawah tangkap ikan keli... heee..aku ni walaupun umah depan sawah tapi tak pernah seumur hidup aku terjun sawah tangkap ikan mcm ari tu... nasib baik takde lintah!!! group aku berjaya jadi johan tangkap ikan (14ekor).. and during the last night, masa buat performance, aku terpaksa berlakon iklan 'sweetheart' dgn guna seelan... mentang2 la nama aku ina and pelakon asal iklan tu mawi, tak pasal2 jimmy automatik lantik aku jadi pelakon iklan tu... dia tak tau aku ni kayu bab2 berlakon nie!!!

anyway, sekarang ni sidang aku baru lepas organize event for our event management module... mlm penghayatan kemanusiaan dgn kerjasama mercy... overall, tuan bob kata it's a success... ramai gak la yang mengalir air mata mlm tu during the slide show by mercy... aku tak tau la nak kata apa coz aku tak dpt nak tgk pun... aku kena buat kerja aku as a ahli ajk jamuan and penjaga booth mercy yang tak rasmi... maybe this event manage to bring some impact to most of us since borang keahlian sukarelawan mercy laku mcm pisang goreng panas!!! hopefully, it's not hangat2 t*** ayam;) hehehe... and after that event, kitorang ramai2 gi mkn kat hartamas.. balik pukul 2 pagi... and tak pasal2 kena tahan kat pak guard coz balik lambat... hopefully takkan dapat the dreaded surat tunjuk sebab @ sts...

one month had passed and five month to go yet!!! sidang aku takkan start modul luar untill the middle of this march... masih ada masa untuk aku nak mencergaskan diri aku;) and hopefully, aku dapat motivate myself utk jogging selalu... esp after terpaksa rehat daripada doing any strenuous activities such as jogging and going to the gym for 2 weeks atas nasihat doktor coz of my ligament injuries... i have no choice since modul luar sidang aku pack giler... non-stop!!! sampai kekawan aku dr sidang lain semua tumpang bersimpati bila tgk jadual tu... huhuhu... nasib badan la labu oiii!!!